I have been in despair for about two weeks now, the kind of despair that cripples and inhibits you from doing things you ought to do.
It all started some weeks a back, where my favorite local radio station advertised that they are looking for writers. So, with great anticipation I searched how to fix my resume and how to write a brilliant cover letter, all in the hopes that somehow or someway they’d consider me. Now, I have no writing experience. I haven’t even been able to get through with any writing volunteer work, so my only samples I had to offer were my College essays.
Even when I was writing and editing my cover letter, and even when I sent in my application, I convinced myself that I wouldn’t get in. A few days passed, and surprisingly enough, bam! I got an interview.
To a person who sent out lots of resumes and job applications and had been rejected by all up to that point, I was admittedly on cloud 9. I tried to cushion myself, and coax myself to believe it’d be okay if I don’t make it pass the interviews. That, I can still use it as a learning experience for the next time. Sigh– But that was wishful thinking.
When I met the head of the newsroom, it was all sparkles and glitter, but then she gave me a test! Woah!– I wasn’t expecting a test!
She gave me simple questions.. something that anyone could answer. Except me!
I don’t know if this happens to anyone else but at that moment I couldn’t hear anything. The once loud and active newsroom seemed very quiet. All of a sudden it got warmer and I was aware of how fast and loud my heart was beating.
How could I not know the answers to these questions!
And in that moment I realized, that I was fooling myself a bit. I wanted to enter journalism but I hadn’t researched enough to improve myself in ways that would be adequate. Anyone with just a bit of experience was enough to outshine me. My degree did not make me anything special and I was not special.
She gave me a chance to redeem myself an I did the best that I could. But I knew once I left, it’d be the last I had to do with the indoors of that studio.
———————–Now for the Twist——————–
I still got the job!
Its baffling to me, and I’m still shocked beyond comparison. I was so sure that I wasn’t getting in that I wallowed in pity and wasn’t even able to write or enjoy anything for a few days. No matter how I tried to comfort myself into thinking I would get another job, I was too disappointed in myself to recover.
I had a second interview yesterday and I was told that they saw potential in me. Even though I lacked experience in writing, I was really good in everything else. They were pleased with me and I am grateful to them! It feels wonderful to know that someone is willing to invest their time in you because they see the potential in you; even when you don’t quite see it yourself.
I look forward to working with her and the entire team. I plan to give everything that I have and work to learn and improve myself.
My first job!